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Am.I.Very.Far?

Step by step, we're getting there.

Limbo
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[info]amiveryfar
I kinda feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. Not like the depressed-happy kind, but... I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm nearly high on emotion at some points, feeling like the right decision in the end was made and everything feels crisp and clear. And then... I fall. Down into confusion and regret and worry. And missing.

I'm in limbo, I guess. And it's a very lonely place. Because, really, what can I say that hasn't been said? I've got no words left but I'm exploding with emotions. I've got nothing new to add, but until I find a path, I'm stuck right here.

I've been itching for a drink all day, but I know that's not a very adaptive coping plan. I just want a bit of numbness is all.

wtf this isn't my life
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[info]amiveryfar
I don't understand how things got so complicated. I mean, I can look back and think about the series of events, but it feels surreal and impossible. How am I here? I have two weeks to think, but it's maddening. It's hard to think about anything else.

I was an idiot. Because it didn't seem possible, I didn't stop it when I could have. I had this idiotic impression that it was something other people do, but not me.

I can't make this right, but I'm trying to do the best I can to never repeat that mistake.

When it comes to relationships, I've never been in a situation where I had power. And now I have it, but I want to get rid of it so so badly. Can't someone else make this decision for me?

I'm gonna go and be real melodramatic here, but man, I feel like jumping off a bridge would be easier than making this decision. Just end it all and then there's no mistake to make, right?

I guess in summary I want to have my cake and eat it too. Om nom nom.

@_@
whine
[info]amiveryfar
Blargh I feel frustrated. Cryptic entry, I know. But blargh. I wish I know what the heck I'm thinking.
It's probably just the same old story, on both ends.
*bangs head on desk*
I don't like shades of grey, I like black and white. D:

Cooking Dinner with Chantal! (tm)
spok
[info]amiveryfar
STEP ONE: Find a block of cheese.
STEP TWO: Eat it.

You're done! :D

I'm glad I'm finally done all my midterms and I will actually have time to cook a proper meal now. @_@

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(no subject)
spok
[info]amiveryfar
Le Ramblage; Comment disabled )

BTW: New ringtone = Dr. Horrible theme. I positivity cannot WAIT for my next phone call.

... Why am I writing this? WHY AM I NOT STUDYING? *slaps self*
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Am I odd?
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[info]amiveryfar
 Being social is so hard. I find myself scheduling hang outs with less enthusiasm than when I schedule studying. @_@ I think there are like, 10 people I look forward to seeing. It's not that I dislike seeing other people, it's just that I've very neutral towards it. 
I'm such an introvert. XD

 

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LIFE ROCKS
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[info]amiveryfar
Did my prof just play the 'all your base are belong to us' video?


DARN RIGHT HE DID.


Best. Class. Ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qItugh-fFgg
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The war begins
not amused
[info]amiveryfar
 There are so many little flies in our kitchen right now for no apparent reason. :/ 
I don't know much about entomology, but I'm going to assume that they don't like being sprayed with Windex.
It's on, flies. >:( I'm armed.
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Writer's Block: Take the pain away
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[info]amiveryfar

If you could say anything you want to the person who has hurt you most in life, what would it be? Did you ever confront them? Why or why not?

Submitted By [info]secret_berry49


View 1530 Answers


FALCOOOONNNN PUNCH! *insert violence here*


(no subject)
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[info]amiveryfar
 wdfhsdjkfskjbf sfhsahflas I have three midterms next week.
And my email inbox has now hit 200 unread emails.  O_o
WHY DO I ALWAYS IGNORE IT AND LET IT GROW? D:
And I am now a Research Assistant for two labs.
And am running two study groups.
And am in Psych Society.
And work every Saturday.
And yet I have still convinced myself I totally have time to start a graphics site, join a WPR and design Seventh Gear's myspace page. O_o

This is like high school allll over again. Why do I insist on killing myself with extracurriculars...?

Though very cooly, I may be able to get something called a Global Experience Certificate... As I have already done two of the three requirements without realizing it...? XD I just need to volunteer or co-op somewhere outside of North America sometime. :D 

Oh, and I'm actually gonna start making some entries frindz onli. 'Cause the world does not need to read my emoing. :D

*ramblerambleramble*
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[info]amiveryfar
Soooo, I definitely haven't posted in forever. But that's okay. :D
I've tried to keep up with commenting and whanotage, but I've been mostly failing. Sorry guys. D':
Life has been epic lately, which basically means I've been far too lazy busy to post. I like to think that's a good thing.

Today I was trapped in a parking lot on a city bus. The driver took a wrong turn and got struck vertically trying to reverse.
People were watching as our bus tried to shimmy out. XD
When we finally escaped ten minutes later, we all cheered and clapped for the bus driver. c: (Who was teh serious, btw. Apparently she did not see the humour in the situation.)

And my toes nails are green and black. And so are my finger nails. So pretty. :'D I hope I can resist the urge to chew them... My bad habit. :(

My basement at my mom's house flooded, thanks to the city's work on the waterline.
When I was little, my sister won me a giant panda plushie. It was down there, sitting on a mattressy-type thing.
When my mom discovered the flooding, the bear was floating on the mattress, safe and sound. He's a regular MacGyver.
Buuuut everything else was wrecked.
Including our heater. XD

So, my mom is staying at some friend's place and I'm at Dan's. Which is basically normal for me anyway, so it's no big deal. :3
Annnnd since everything in the basement is wrecked, including all the winter clothes stored down there, I get new winter boots, courtesy of insurance/the city! Awesome? YES. :D :D :D :D
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RIP
whine
[info]amiveryfar
 My external drive kicked the bucket. D:
It has de-evolved into a shiny paperweight.
And it had all my files on it 'cause I was upgrading to Windows 7!!!!11!!!!!!

I'm not too sad about most of files but... MY ROFL FOLDER WAS ON IT. ALL MY HILARIOUS IMAGES HAVE BEEN EATEN. D:

Now how will I amuse myself on the bus...? ;_;
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I love the taste of Windows 7 in the morning.
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[info]amiveryfar
After so much silliness, I finally was able to install Windows 7. :D So far, so glorious. Vista never really urked me as much, but man, Windows 7 is purdy.
It makes me feel like I have a brand new laptop.
This is a good feeling. :D

AND AND AND
I spend the whoooole weekend at Dan's house and it was chill and it was awesome. The only downside was sleeping in his basement which is kinda scary, but it was better than usual 'cause his sister didn't decide to blare ridiculously loud music at six am. (She's down-syndrome and really likes to bounce on her bouncy ball to loud music, notably to Collective Soul and Crazy Frog.)

Being back at school is awesome. It just makes everything so much better. I love learning. I'm doing a really good job so far of keeping on top of things too. I really want awesome marks this year, so I gotta work super hard, especially in Japanese. (IT'S DIFFICULT. O_O)

I got a job as a Research Assistant, too! Well, it's volunteer, but still. :) It's going to be so interesting, even if I'm just doing grunt work mostly. Inputting data, yay!
Basically the prof wants to research the mathematical developement of four-year-olds, so I'll be going around to daycares and running the tests. :)

Yep, life is awesome.

Mini Tofu contest!
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[info]amiveryfar
I has entered a contest on Mini Tofu and I think it would be really super if y'all went there and voted. :D I can't tell you which is mine, but vote for which ever you think is best. :)

Basically, for the contest we were given one image and told to create an image from it without using any resource not created by ourselves. So, no brushes, no clip art, nuttin'. So keep that in mind when voting. :D

tofu.vintaged.net/contest/index.php
tofu.vintaged.net/contest/index.php
tofu.vintaged.net/contest/index.php

UPDATE.
spok
[info]amiveryfar
BELLYBUTTON STATUS: PIERCED.

That is all. :)

Where'd all the WPR go?
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[info]amiveryfar
So back in my day, we had these things called review sites where webmasters could submit their websites for feedback. Now, where did that all go? I have a sudden urge to join one and I can't find a single active one... The closest thing I've found is http://www.sensorial.org/captious/ and they haven't written a review since April. I'm considering applying there, but does anyone know of any others?

(no subject)
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[info]amiveryfar
I'm really glad I'm with a guy that can appreciate the bundle of awesome Japanese dramas are. We're watching the GTO live-action series and enjoying it so hardcore. :3

I am not glad my mom treats me like a bank. And I am not glad she likes to play mom. She said she would be able to get me new glasses. She said she could do it. And now I get a call that I have to pay for them "until the insurance money comes in". And then I'm told she once again is short for the mortgage, so I need to pay for a portion of that again. I've told her so many times that I need her to pay me back before school. She's over a thousand in debt to me right now and I have rent and food and school to pay for. She's yet to get through a summer month without borrowing money and she thinks she will be able to pay me back all that money before September rolls around?

Yeah... No. >_>

So in order to erase my bubbling anger, I will watch Cardcaptor Sakura, which is happiness is visual format. I'm finally at the good stuff, fifty-seven episodes in. I swear I'm experience a high whenever I watch that show.

But before I do that, I need to go to the bank. I will take out the money my mom needs and give it to her. She cannot have my card. Last time she borrowed it to take out $300, she took out $900 total. >_> Dan says I should stop giving her money, flat out. But how do I do that? It's so easy, in theory, but in practice... Argh.

BUT I AM NOT GOING TO FOCUS ON THAT. NO. CARDCAPTOR SAKURA MINDSET, GO! HAPPINESS MODULE, ACTIVATE! INITIATE OPTIMISTIC SEQUENCE!

Oh, and wtf is with Italian restaurants? None of them taste any better than what I'd find in a can. Lame.

Snip snip snip!
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[info]amiveryfar
I have lots of free time to go through entries on my friends list right now, but that's definitely not going to be the case come school. So, I've done a Friends Cut. I don't hate anyone or anything, but I just didn't click or find myself having nothing to say when I read some entries, so... This just makes sense. :D

And now I am going to Watch King of the Hill, because that show is hicktastic.
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SHAMELESS PLUG, GO.
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[info]amiveryfar
OKAY. So.
My fiance is in a metal band (he's the bassist! :D) and they recently did a show. And this show was sponsored by a site called Supernova, which is now hosting a vote for the best band from the show.

First prize? 10 hours of recording time, valued at around $350.

So... If you could take a moment to vote for them, that would be most lovely! :D

----> http://www.supernova.com/events/2216/vote/seventhgear <----

You'll need to join the site to vote, but it literally takes about five seconds.

And here is their myspace, if you want to actually hear them before you vote. XD http://www.myspace.com/seventhgearmetal (Yes, we all know the vocalist leaves a little to be desired. But listen beyond him and you'll hear epic guitar, nifty drums and sweet bass. ;D)

And that was my shameless plug. :D

Muh internet iz dead. D:
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[info]amiveryfar
So, my mom and the telephone bill had a fight. It lasted awhile, and finally the bill lost its temper. Now my home phone, cell phone, television and internet is all disconnected.

Awesome.

Right now I'm at work, leeching internet from the cafe next store. I'm sorry for not replying to comments or reading my flist. D: I would if I could, srsly. I'm going to try to catch up now, but I'm not sure how far I'll get.

And as someone pointed out, my entries have kinda been up and down emotionally. Sorry about that. XD I promise I'm not uber bipolar or anything. Being at home with my mom has been taking its toll on me, and with the engagement and having to spend a week with one of Dan's exs and money, I kinda fall emotionally really easily. x_x; I'm usually very happy and sunny. I'll try to keep the entries that way. XD No one wants to read emo banter.

LOVE YOU ALL. HAVE FUN TODAY. DO IT. :D
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